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He's been home a wee while now. We've had 2 visits from the Favourite already and another one tomorrow. Actually terrifying that they could say this isn't working and take him away. Terrifying. I suppose it sounds all cliche and stuff but in some ways, it's like he's always been here - like, this is just normal and how it's always been. In other ways, it's like 'whhhhaaaattt??? I have a 2 year old????'.
We have just come out of (I'm hesitant to say) a really horrific few days. I thought I'd seen and heard the worst that it could get...turns out no. His banshee-esque, blood curdling, 'save me, I'm being burned alive' screams are more than I felt I could handle. It's been very, very difficult. However, it was hell and I was demented and he was distraught but we have come out of it, both still alive and both still happy. So that's a win. You know you think when you've been around children your whole life, when the centre of your working life is children and when you know you've got the capacity to love any child so you think you might be a bit prepared for this? Well, that is true. And you know that you're also not going to be prepared at all? That is true, too. He has kind of just slotted in and we have both kind of just adapted quite quickly, in my humble opinion, to 'this is how we life, now'. There have been many, many moments where I've been stressed out of my brain and where he's being going proper radge (hysterical, for non-Scottish people); but there have been SO many more moments where it's just been happy, content, laughing and joking, dancing and In the Freakin' Night Gardening (although, I'm a HUGE fan of Mr Tumble now!). My friend came round with her children in the first week and she said I was just exactly like how First Time Mums are - overwhelmed, stressed, full of love and blind panic. It's true!
We have had our third visit now and she's coming back another two times. Ugh. Am I tired, did you ask, Favourite? Yes. Yes, I am. I am tired of your nonsensical babbling, of trying to understand what the chuff your point is in your flowery, too many words, not actually saying anything, speech. I am tired. But not because of this wondrous creature you've entrusted to me. Yes, our sleep is a bit unsettled, but that is manageable. Yes, the EPIC meltdowns did have me sobbing my heart out for 30 minutes, thinking there is absolutely no way I can do this alone. And sure, it's getting somewhat old having most meals I cook thrown on the floor. But waking up every morning, knowing I am his mummy and he is my son and we are going to be together forever? Tickling his tummy till he's laughing so hard he can hardly breathe (obviously he can breathe, fear not!)? Well, that's just all my dreams come true right there. He is a total mystery to me right now, and I'm sure I am to him. But we are learning every single day. And just when I think my heart will explode, I love him a little bit more. We have got this, Favourite. Oh yes, we bloody do!
We have just come out of (I'm hesitant to say) a really horrific few days. I thought I'd seen and heard the worst that it could get...turns out no. His banshee-esque, blood curdling, 'save me, I'm being burned alive' screams are more than I felt I could handle. It's been very, very difficult. However, it was hell and I was demented and he was distraught but we have come out of it, both still alive and both still happy. So that's a win. You know you think when you've been around children your whole life, when the centre of your working life is children and when you know you've got the capacity to love any child so you think you might be a bit prepared for this? Well, that is true. And you know that you're also not going to be prepared at all? That is true, too. He has kind of just slotted in and we have both kind of just adapted quite quickly, in my humble opinion, to 'this is how we life, now'. There have been many, many moments where I've been stressed out of my brain and where he's being going proper radge (hysterical, for non-Scottish people); but there have been SO many more moments where it's just been happy, content, laughing and joking, dancing and In the Freakin' Night Gardening (although, I'm a HUGE fan of Mr Tumble now!). My friend came round with her children in the first week and she said I was just exactly like how First Time Mums are - overwhelmed, stressed, full of love and blind panic. It's true!
We have had our third visit now and she's coming back another two times. Ugh. Am I tired, did you ask, Favourite? Yes. Yes, I am. I am tired of your nonsensical babbling, of trying to understand what the chuff your point is in your flowery, too many words, not actually saying anything, speech. I am tired. But not because of this wondrous creature you've entrusted to me. Yes, our sleep is a bit unsettled, but that is manageable. Yes, the EPIC meltdowns did have me sobbing my heart out for 30 minutes, thinking there is absolutely no way I can do this alone. And sure, it's getting somewhat old having most meals I cook thrown on the floor. But waking up every morning, knowing I am his mummy and he is my son and we are going to be together forever? Tickling his tummy till he's laughing so hard he can hardly breathe (obviously he can breathe, fear not!)? Well, that's just all my dreams come true right there. He is a total mystery to me right now, and I'm sure I am to him. But we are learning every single day. And just when I think my heart will explode, I love him a little bit more. We have got this, Favourite. Oh yes, we bloody do!
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