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I just love him. I love him like I'm on ecstasy all of the time. Whilst talking to Russell Brand and eating vegan food, surrounded by unicorns and pink, fluffy candy floss. John Pilger enters...and then all hell breaks loose. This is the bumpiest rollercoaster I've ever ridden. Which doesn't actually say much, coz I'm not a rollercoaster ride type of girl... The highest high of loving this Tiny Human who just got drop kicked into my house and my life and I into his; and the sheer and utter terror of dealing with his meltdowns, knowing that I am screwing up CONSTANTLY, is a dizzy and exhilarating time!
As I said, I always knew I'd be capable of loving any child but this kind of love just, like, makes you want to literally burst open, no?! Remember a few years back, there was a 'write 7 facts about yourself' on Facebook (narcisisstic, egocentric nonsense which I clearly bought into)? It showed up recently in my memories and I can't remember them all but one of them was: 'I love my nieces and nephews, furry family and kids at school so much that I think I will eat any child that belongs to me!' Fact. I've tried to eat my baby. I dare you not to.
We are just doing life now and waiting to get our papers so that we can go and register, get an ID card, birth certificate and passport. Obviously I'm just waiting for the office to tell me that the documents I need are ready in order to start this process and obviously there's a delay and obviously no one has called to say what or when. In the meantime, we are Lego building, train set building, tower building...there's a lot of building that goes on. And lining up. There's lots and lots of lining up. Now we have had a bit of time together, I'm getting to know his moods some of the time and can usually tell when it's all about to go Pete Tong. It's really, really hard going at times - he's big and quite strong and who needs Crossfit, quite frankly! But give this boy a ball, a balloon (GLOBO!) or some bubbles and he's happier than happy can be. I swear his giggle is the best music I've ever seen.
Soon, we will go to the neurologist and get the evaluation underway...I'm in no doubt that he is on the Spectrum, but we shall see. What has been a wee bit tricky already, and I suspect this is just the beginning, is that I've had to deal with people saying 'noooo, I don't think so...he's made some eye contact.' Yes. Yes, he has made some eye contact, however, he made NO eye contact the first day I spent 8 hours with him. And also, this does not a diagnosis make. And also, who cares?! It seems that some people still view having a different neurological make up as a problem or a negative thing. Their response is to try and play it down because that's better. But I chose my baby from a list, where it clearly stated he had these characteristics. I couldn't care less. Yes, our lives are going to be more challenging than others...but hello?? Do you really think I've just spent 2 years going through this, having waited 2 years prior to that so I could apply here, without having thought through what I wanted or was capable of? And also, hello? Have I ever once, ONCE, chosen an easy route? I can hear my Bestest laughing from all the way across the ocean.
Fact is, Emilio Austin is perfect. It's sheer and utter hell when I can't stop him screaming. But it's literally the best thing in the whole universe when he puts his arms out for a cuddle or giggles when I tickle him or runs round chasing bubbles like there is no greater joy than to be doing just that. I remember when I started this blog, it was just pure catharsis: I needed some way to pour out what I was going through. Then it became like a mission - could more single women go through this, here in Peru? They told me no other single, foreign woman had ever adopted in Peru (through the national system, as opposed to the international route). I remember feeling defeated. I remember thinking that I had no idea what I was going to do. I remember thinking 'this has to happen for me'. I remember Jodie saying, 'Well, this is something they've said no one in your position has done before...sounds right up your street!'. I remember finding the strength to carry on fighting to get my baby. And now look at our beautiful family. If you're reading, do it. They can't say no to you now that they said yes to the crazy Scottish lady!
Soon, we will go to the neurologist and get the evaluation underway...I'm in no doubt that he is on the Spectrum, but we shall see. What has been a wee bit tricky already, and I suspect this is just the beginning, is that I've had to deal with people saying 'noooo, I don't think so...he's made some eye contact.' Yes. Yes, he has made some eye contact, however, he made NO eye contact the first day I spent 8 hours with him. And also, this does not a diagnosis make. And also, who cares?! It seems that some people still view having a different neurological make up as a problem or a negative thing. Their response is to try and play it down because that's better. But I chose my baby from a list, where it clearly stated he had these characteristics. I couldn't care less. Yes, our lives are going to be more challenging than others...but hello?? Do you really think I've just spent 2 years going through this, having waited 2 years prior to that so I could apply here, without having thought through what I wanted or was capable of? And also, hello? Have I ever once, ONCE, chosen an easy route? I can hear my Bestest laughing from all the way across the ocean.
Fact is, Emilio Austin is perfect. It's sheer and utter hell when I can't stop him screaming. But it's literally the best thing in the whole universe when he puts his arms out for a cuddle or giggles when I tickle him or runs round chasing bubbles like there is no greater joy than to be doing just that. I remember when I started this blog, it was just pure catharsis: I needed some way to pour out what I was going through. Then it became like a mission - could more single women go through this, here in Peru? They told me no other single, foreign woman had ever adopted in Peru (through the national system, as opposed to the international route). I remember feeling defeated. I remember thinking that I had no idea what I was going to do. I remember thinking 'this has to happen for me'. I remember Jodie saying, 'Well, this is something they've said no one in your position has done before...sounds right up your street!'. I remember finding the strength to carry on fighting to get my baby. And now look at our beautiful family. If you're reading, do it. They can't say no to you now that they said yes to the crazy Scottish lady!
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