Why going to the park is NEVER just going to the park

Hands up if you are a parent who is absolutely, completely and utterly SICK of going to the freaking park? ☝I mean, I should be grateful, and I am most of the time, that we are actually able to get out and go to the park - those first three months in lockdown last year were HIDEOUS. We would have given anything and everything to be allowed out with our children who were held captive for a crazy amount of time. It is fully mental thinking about that; our kids weren't allowed outside. At all. And when you live in a city, mainly in apartment buildings with no gardens, it literally meant not going outside of your house. Blows my mind now. During that time, I just had to chuck E in his buggy and hoof it to the shop with the dogs in tow and hope beyond hope that we wouldn't get arrested, walking dogs anywhere past your own street also being prohibited. Madness.

 

Anyway, we were really lucky to move to the beach, just when kids were allowed out for a whole half hour per day. Autistic people had also been allowed out for a 15 minute walk per day. Again, mind blowing to think about it now but that was the life we were living. Being at the beach was amazing as the security people/police were quite happy for us just to go out and run around and use all that space and freedom - brilliant for a wee dude with developmental delays in all areas to tank up and down the stairs beside our house, having been cooped up for 3 months. It was awesome until they shut the beaches again from Friday-Sundays..then it was pretty shit again! When we moved back to Miraflores in the city, I did have major anxiety about how it was going to be trying to go for walks with the dogs and E and all the traffic and general hazards seemingly intent on killing one of my pack, having been so used to just letting everyone run free! I've mentioned before that ALL the parks near us are surrounded by roads or a massive cliff. Fences and gates are not a thing in these parts and cause no end of stress and anxiety. However, we have managed and are managing but it has become increasingly difficult lately and resulted in us both in tears the other day when we were out for a walk. 

See, the other thing that's happened as a result of COVID is that the parks are now used for all the things. Art classes, music classes, gym classes, yoga classes, birthday parties, picnics; you name it, it is happening in one or all parks and this is delightful, of course. The problem we encounter is that all of these things are extremely exciting for my guy and he sees no reason whatsoever why he shouldn't be part of such fun and loveliness. All of it. Again, a problem we have been having for a long time now... E sees something he fancies and so, logically, he runs after it/toward said object, gets it and runs away with his treasure. It has become harder to 'explain' to disgusted looking parents (and trust me, they are disgusted) why a boy of 5 is grabbing their 2 year old's snack/truck/balloon (oh the motherloving balloons!!!!!!) and it has become almost impossible to catch him and return stolen item as he is FAST, man. Anyway, this has all been getting harder and harder to manage, coupled with some major sensory things going on for him that I wasn't managing, and on top of the last 16 months of torture - it just got too much. I found myself crying whilst trying to catch him and stop him running backwards and forwards through a toddler's music class, with ALL eyes on me, him shrieking with delight as he absolutely LOVES chasing. He doesn't get it. I know that. He can't help it. I also know that. But do I respond the way I should and try to help him get the sensory input he's seeking? Nope. I either blow up or cry. Good one, Maz. 

Thankfully, I have amazing resources in the form of our SALT who has amazing resources in the form of an OT friend, and both of these wonderful ladies have given me some things to try and help ease the hell of going to the freaking park. 

Sensory diet: he needs running, spinning, jumping, climbing, pushing and pulling, weight baring stuff, jumping on the trampoline, amongst other things. I can do this. I can make sure he gets this incorporated into his day and I can see when he needs something and now, with this advice, I can try to figure out which 'bit' he needs at that moment. Check. 

Social story and the evil Behaviourism: I HATE BEHAVIOURISM!!!!! But, for his safety and to try and help him learn that he cannot just take children's cookies/toys/bags out of their hands, run away from me and not come back (EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. WE. GO. OUT.), I'm going to try a little tick chart with a reward for each time he comes back when I ask him to/scream across the park. Would I ever, in a month of Sundays, recommend to any of my parents that they reward their children with sweets for doing something right? NOPE. But, I'm desperate, he is not safe and I am losing my mind. So this is our only option for now.

And there ends the story of why going to the park is never, EVER, just going to the park. Every single time I step out of my house with my child, I have to have my own backpack, physically and metophorically, rammed full of: snacks, distractions, calming toys, fidget toys, strategies to teach him how to stay safe, strategies to teach him social communication skills and rules that we just take for granted, things to fulfil his sensory needs, and a whole load of other stuff. It is exhausting. And it feels utterly hopeless at times. BUT. Then I see him absolutely giggling his head off, playing with other children, chasing after them, sliding down together, climbing trees together, drawing together, building together and no, it's not the whole time and yes, it looks different from a neurotypical child's play but he is doing it. Despite how unbelievably bloody hard it is for this boy to exist in this world, and I am only just at the tip of the iceberg of my learning about this, he is bloody well doing it. And I could not be any prouder or love him any more than I do. 

We can do hard things. He can do harder things. 

xxxx