The Bit That's Happening Now

Dearest Blog Readers (if you're out there)...

There's been a fair amount of rambling going on here, but sure, is that not what a blog is for? 

There's been a lot this week. A LOT. It's been a very emotionally draining, roller coastery, sort of stressful, mainly hopeful, week. I do promise I'll write through the whole process of adopting here from start to finish so that anyone considering this path can benefit from my experience of navigating this system in a foreign language...but where I'm at right now is here. 

There are around 18,000 children in Peru living in children's homes but due to processing paperwork and, I suppose, limited resources, only around 400 are legally allowed to be adopted per year. These are estimates and I don't know the ins and outs but this is the information I've picked up over the last while. There is a huge process to go through before a child can be registered as legally abandoned and therefore eligible for adoption - it takes 2 to 3 years to go through. Meaning that even if a baby is found without parents, for example, found in the street, they are usually living in a children's home for those first 2 to 3 years before they can be put on the list. I completed a Masters in Inclusion and Special Educational Needs last year and spent part of this course studying Attachment Disorder, which I'm fascinated by, so it breaks my heart to know that there are thousands of children who will undoubtedly have some form of this and it could perhaps be avoided by finding them parents in these crucial first years. I know that the reason the process is so complex is to protect the children and their parents, so my intention is not to criticise. It's just hard knowing that there are babies who will never go home to their birth parents, but will have to be in a children's home until they are processed. 

I've been told that I could be waiting for years to be matched with my child (by one of the Singleton Haters) and was advised that perhaps I would like to look at the priority list. These children are siblings, have special needs, are older or have health problems. I have a very strong feeling that this is where my baby is. That's not something I can put my finger on really; it really is just a feeling. So last week I was sent this list - a friend and I spent a couple of hours pouring over it, sobbing, getting excited; and the feeling has been growing all week that this could be happening for me soon. I have been to review the files of some of the children on this list and have put forward a request to be matched with one. So now I wait. It's in the hands of the powers that be in Peru as to whether this is my Tiny Human or not...and I've been met with many opinions over the course of the week as to why they might not be. Being as open and honest as I'm trying to be about this process invites opinions and I'm happy to have them - again, the Not Alone thing. However, when I read this file and saw this photo, I cried right there in that office in front of other Parents To Be and the Witness lady who was overseeing our file revising! I'm doing a lot of that crying business lately. Perhpas this is going to be like searching for The One. There isn't A One, there's A Many. This is going to be a long wait now but I have faith that whatever happens will be the right thing.