About becoming a Kelly

It all began so very long ago that I've forgotten. Needless to say, I did not get a call to say go back on Monday (how many weeks ago?)...however, last week I got a call from the same lovely lady from Reniec saying I could go again to see her at that place and do the Acta. The Acta IS, in fact, the birth certificate. It's still all quite confusing because clearly I didn't birth him, however, he did not have a birth certificate prior to this here one. So anyway. Lovely lady from Reniec called me whilst I was out running so I said 'of course, I shall go running to that there place on Tuesday at 9am and we will do that Acta'. I did not think it wise to question the whole surname-gate situation, given that I was out of breath and about to fall over and that I was unlikely to understand on the phone. 

Wise, Maz. Wise. 

It's all very amusing now just how not remotely bothered I am about most of this stuff. When I was pre-adoption, pre-getting-approved (as opposed to pre-approved; no one has ever been that daft!), I'd get SO irate, frustrated, emotional, ALL of the feelings about ALL of the things. Hospital visits (josie jump, were they an eye opener), bits of random papers to be submitted, the writing of letters and having to hand deliver them to the office...oh it drove me insane. But now, it's like, well, I have Emilio in my house and he is mine and I am his and all of this is just noise. Funny. 

Anyway, off I went today, braving thy infuriating, suffocating traffic to get there for my 9am appointment. Having been through these types of situations a few times now, I knew there was no 'appointment'. I knew I'd be arriving to sit on a plastic chair and move along a line, one chair at a time, until the lovely lady was free. But I was wrong! For she was not there! Stupidly, naively, I thought that it was ok, the OTHER lady sitting there would help. 

Silly, Maz. Silly. 

The other lady had no idea who I was or what was happening. In life, I'd say, actually. My lady was at the doctors. Right. Any idea when she might be back? Not so much. Shall I wait? Yes, wait. Right, then...

Some time later... 'You see the problem is that I don't have your file, the other lady has it.'

She has it at the doctor? How odd. 

More waiting was done. Eventually, lady who has no clue about my file, the Acta, where she is in space and time or when my lady would be coming back, because, as she'd already told me, that lady is at the clinic...we decided it would be best for me to leave. Without Acta. Without a clue. Without anything other than a resignation that perhaps we just won't have this Acta ever. Off I hopped in a taxi to another place where they would bring me coffee and let me read Harry Potter. 

Now, I was just washing my hands in the loo when the phone rang. It is my lady! She was at that there place, she just hadn't had her phone on her. Could I go back? Could I go back to that place and get that Acta? Yes, yes, I could!

Arrived at her desk. She is a bemused human with a permanent sort of smirk on her face. Kind face. But smirky. She carries on putting on her hand cream. Then she picks through a file that I can see is clearly not mine. As I am quite used to being ignored in this manner in these types of situations, I just sit there, waiting for my turn. She is reading, scrutinising the text on this file which clearly says it's for an adult who is being adopted. I try not to pry. Just sit there, waiting. 

Eventually, my lady murmurs, so that I have to kind of move my head across her desk to hear, 

'And do you have the ID card for Jose Luis?' 

Blank stare. 

'Who is Jose Luis?'

'Exactly,' she says, with a conspiratorial half smirk. 

WTF? Having been trying not to pry, I then just looked right at it. Jose Luis is the adopter. I.E. The parent. A man's name, that is. 

'Erm, you know that's not my file you have there, right?'

My lady continues to smile, looks at me, then closes this file. Murmurs something completely incomprehensible, then goes on the search for the right file. I've been sitting there for about 10 minutes at this point. Directly across from her. With my ID card sitting between us. Eventually, she locates it. We start again. 

About half an hour later, I have the piece of paper in my hand that says Emilio Austin Kelly is my son and I, a Single and a Foreign, am his Mama. This was the final joke. My lady asked me to check the document before signing and fingerprinting. I said that perhaps where it said 'nationality', it might say 'British', instead of 'Foreigner'. She smirks again, as if we are both in on this web of mystery and fingerprinting; the only options are Peruvian or Foreigner, she tells me. Ah, right then. Makes sense.  

At no point is the fact that I have only one surname brought up. The fact that I'm a Single and a Foreign, yes. Surname-gate? Soooooo March news... Baffled. Genuinely baffled. 

I thank her profusely, grab the paper and run for my life, choking on laughter all the way home. Next up, the ID card. Stay tuned, folks. 

And the bureaucracy for the win...again...

Who read the last bit where I said the Peru bit has been efficient and easy? And who was laughing, knowing FULL WELL there is NO WAY the Peru bit will be either efficient or easy? Aye, well. So I had a call last week saying 'come and do the Acta'. I said, 'OK, I will come and do the Acta'. Still absolutely no clue what the Acta was, but trusting this lovely lady on the phone who said I should merrily go along on Wednesday at 9am and do this here thing. Now we have Maria Poppins and she's amazing so I could go to that place and do that thing because Maria Poppins could take E to Nido. We think she's going to be wondrerful and Emilio has hugged her when she arrived twice so not worried about leaving them to go to Nido solo...I'm not jealous at all. Not. At. All. (more later on that)

Obviously got stuck in stupid traffic so was late. Then realised I had no idea which bit of the Reniec I was going to so I just went to the bit I'd been to before. Sat waiting while a few ladies who worked there chatted to each other before finally being called. Conversation goes roughly along the lines of: 

Lady: Hm. This is not the right place if you already left your documents. What's your last name? 

Maz: Kelly

Lady: No, what's your last name?

Maz: Kelly

Lady: Spell it. 

Maz spells it. 

Lady: That's a first name. 

Maz: I know, but I promise, it's my last name. 

Lady: What's your other last name. 

Maz: *gets ready for it* I don't have one. This is my only last name. I'm not Peruvian. 

Lady: You must have a...

Blah blah blah. We discover that I have to go to some other bit of the office. Off I go. Second lady awaits - she is lovely. She is her what phoned me on the phone and told me to come in. What follows then baffles me, as her first statement was that it was her who called me and she knows I'm Marianne (always pronouncing the 'e' - Mariann-eh) who adopted a son. She begins typing into our stuff, having found our file - I'm not here to collect the Acta, I'm here to DO the Acta. I am still puzzled, however, discovered later that it is actually the birth actual certificate. She pauses to put on some hand lotion, takes a call from her daughter, chats to the lady beside her. I am minding my own business because why would I be bothered about what's happening, when she tells me that the system won't allow it. Unclear as to what 'it' is at this stage. Off she trots to go and ask someone else. I am the embodiment of patience and serenity at this stage...of course something is going wrong. Of course they have no idea how to process this case. Lovely lady appears back. She can't get the something to do the something else because I only have one last name. Why don't I have another one. Patience begins to whisper in my ear, 'Don't get mad, she doesn't know...'. So I explain again. Bottom line? Emilio needs two surnames on his birth certificate. They cannot overide the system. I do not have two surnames as I only have one. Can I make one up, i.e. use my mother's maiden name? No, because that name is not on any of my ID. Correct. It is not. Because it's not my surname. I explained we actually went through all this on the 14th Feb when I signed the papers...because it was a problem then. The lawyer at the Ministry was told he could be 'Kelly Kelly'. Ridiculous, but true. Lovely lady said nope, no way, no how. We appear to be at a bit of a standstill then, don't we, Lovely Lady? Emilio does not have a father. I am a Single. I am a Foreign. He is an Adopted. He is now my son. All of these things are true and legal, yet we cannot seem to overide a system to be able to process his ID stuff. Huh. 

Am I surprised? No. Am I more convinced that when they told me no other single, foreign woman has ever adopted whilst living in Peru, ever before, they were telling the truth? Yes, I am. We have run into so many hurdles as they literally don't have software to process me. It's comical and frustrating. However, we will get there and something will happen at some stage and it will all be ok. Apparently I've to go back on Monday...