Admin, Tears and Saint Maria Poppins

We've had a busy time lately, settling into Nido, catching viruses, saying more things and finding our nanny. Do you know, it's so funny because it feels like time is just zooming along and it also feels like Emilio has just always been here. But it's only been 9 weeks! 9 weeks out of 36 years of living is absolutely jack all! There have been people who have asked me about how I feel about my son and my (mainly) internal reaction is 'DUH?! How do you think I feel??'...but I suppose for some people, it must be strange that I love this child more than anything or anyone in my life, given that we've had so little time together and I didn't grow him. But all those books and movies and stuff that's in the world about how much you'll love your child as soon as you hold them in your arms? That is exactly right. 

We went for a haircut in Jockey the other day...he literally looked like Sonic the Hedgehog (seriously - WHAT are you meant to do with hair like this?? Like, I have MENTAL hair. MENTAL. But this is a new beast...) so off we went to the Safari place where you can sit in a car and watch Peppa Pig whilst being shorn. Emilio was an angel. Just sat there as if this shaving device did not bother him in the slightest. The previous time, we had to cut short (hah!) and leg it, with uneven hair. Anyway, after that we went to Pizza Hut for dinner and I just started crying. Just sat there in Pizza Hut, with my beautiful boy, giggling away with each other and me chatting nonsense and him singing and bopping to some mighty tunes (Beyonce, Pink and the like) and tears started flowing. I just love him. So. Much. It comes in waves sometimes that he is here and he is mine and I am his. A friend gave me an excellent analogy of how she imagined it to be: when you're living abroad and you're getting on with your day to day life, going to the shops, work, etc and then suddenly it'll hit you - I live in such and such a place! Wow! That's exactly what it's like. We are just doing life, Emilio and I, Peppa Pigging, Upsy Daisying, building towers, saying 'oh oh' all the time and then it'll just be like - I'm his mummy. I'm actually his mummy. What a load of waffle but it's so unbelievably wonderful. 

Anyway. Admin stuff. The Bit I Usually Hate actually turned out to be relatively straight forward and the lady who helped me was LOVELY. So I've applied for the Acta now. I've literally no idea what that means but it's the bit before I get his birth certificate. Or else it might actually be his birth certificate. Either way, my name is going on as his Mum. And he will be offically called Emilio Austin Kelly. And I couldn't love either of these things more. Then we get the DNI. Then passport. Then I start the British bit. So...Peru have come through and been lovely, efficient and helpful. What a lovely experience this part has been. I started the British bit...not so great. I thought, as I had been informed, that any child I adopted here would be automatically British because of the Hague Convention. However, after 5 phone calls and many bits of differing information because no one I talked to actually knew...this is not true. Because I'm resident in Peru, we need to apply for citizenship. It seems absolutely chuffing mental to me. Had I been resident in the UK when the adoption went through, he's automatically British. Friends who have given birth abroad have automatic citizenship for their child. But, because I'm living in Peru, DESPITE the Hague Convention, we have to apply. I'm nervous because BREXIT. I'm nervous because if Emilio doesn't get citizenship, and I do think he will, then we are on different passports unless I become nationalised here. It makes travelling so tricky. Anyway, I'm sure it will be fine and it's just another chink in the chain, another bit of bureaucracy that has to be dealt with...just in a scary time. 

Our next bit of Great News is that we found a nanny. She is WONDERFUL and I love her and yes, I am going to call her Maria Poppins forever. Emilio likes her, she's not scared of his diagnosis and she's just gorgeous. To have found someone so great to look after my baby when I have to (shhhhhh...) go back to work is just such relief. It's very, very weird as she is going to start properly on Monday and obviously I'm still on mat leave so what is she going to do? But we need time to all of us get to know each other and find a groove that will work. What a massive, massive learning curve this all is. I've gotten quite used to doing everything myself now so I'm not really sure how we are going to fit someone else in! Let's see...

New stuff to get used to

As my beautiful boy lies sleeping in his room (only a 10 minute battle this time: IMPROVEMENT!), I thought maybe time for a little update on our lives together.

Last week, Emilio started at his Nido (nursery) and holy moly, it's been a week. I chose this place as it's very small with only 6 children in a class and 2 adults. It's a therapy centre as well and I will most likely use it for when we start the various therapies we have been recommended. He goes Monday to Friday, 9-12.30 and somehow, despite having time back in my life to do stuff, I've achieved squat all. Well, I've achieved making new recipes with beets due to a slight error in my online ordering skills (anyone need any beets?!). Dropping him off that first day made me really, REALLY sad...there were tears. Unexpected tears. I thought I would be delighted to have some 'time off' as, although I chose to Mum Alone and although I am loving every second (well, most seconds - full disclosure on here!), it's absolutely exhausting doing absolutely everything on my own. I'm a Feminist but...sometimes I really wish I had a man to fix the crap that keeps breaking in my house. Or do the phonings of the things I need phoned. Stuff. But anyway. It was really sad leaving him, despite him being delighted with the sand pit. 

It's gone really well and he's adapted quickly to our new routine. They are lovely there and are very keen on parent-teacher communication - I received 150 photos on Friday from the course of the week. One. Week. Calm it, Nido! There was also a huge moment and my first 'I wasn't there when that happened' sucker punch. Oof. It stung. Emilio was able to 'identify' colours and say them. I say 'identify' because I don't believe he was doing that, I think he was repeating the names and remembering the names but I don't think he knows his chair is red or whatever yet. Anyway, it's a brilliant sign - he did repeat colours when I first met him way back in October, but he hasn't really since he's come home. 

However, this led to the directors of the Nido asking for a meeting with me to discuss his diagnosis. I love that they care so much but it's clear that they don't really want him to be autistic. They told me that he was able to do the colours as a lead in to questioning his diagnosis. I repeated that there is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Emilio is on the Spectrum but that this doesn't mean that he's not intelligent or that he can't learn. The moderate to low functioning part is not really any real concern right now; I can see the progress he's making every single day. I listen to him singing from the moment he wakes up till the moment he goes to sleep (with some 'tired' or 'overwhelmed' or 'absolute mental meltdown' sections in between). He hardly made a sound when he first came home and he was SO serious! Now, this incredible Tiny Human is as happy as a clam going about his business, most of the time. I know he's exceptional. I know he's crazily intelligent. I know he's going to do whatever he wants to do in life. I can see all of that in our short time together. None of that means he doesn't have ASD. He has superpowers and he's different and I LOVE all of his little quirks and faces and noises and hilarious reactions and especially his 'food trance'...you'd have to see it. So I've told them that and they are just really happy that I am not putting a lid on what I can expect him to be able to do. Reckon we are going to get on alright there. Let's see. 

I've also been compiling a list of Things I'm Learning About Mumming. Part 1. 

1. Your house will never be tidy for longer than 1 minute and 23 seconds again. Ever. Again. 

2. NOTHING is 'out of reach'. 

3. You will say 'no' and 'don't touch that' more times than you ever thought possible. And even having been a teacher of the Tiny Humans for more than a decade. 

4. When it goes quiet, you are in trouble. Big Trouble. 

5. Peppa Pig does NOT uphold your values as a 21st Century Feminist (or our noble goals and the hypocricies and insecurities which undermine them...).

6. Bribery works and is an essential component of parenting. 

7. Bedtime is an arbitrary concept.

8. You thought you knew because of the millions of nieces and nephews and friends' children and teaching. You did not. You knew nothing. 

9. 'Where are mummy's keys/bag/shoes/tampons?' will become a daily mantra. Little klepto.

10. This is the most fun you have ever had in your life and even when you're going mental because of the Tiny Human going mental, it's still just perfect.